“Let’s Get Dinner!” Says Mutual Who’s Low on Meal Plan Money and Wants to Rob You
LOWER LIVE — After splurging on forgettable late-night milkshakes and enticing sushi pop-ups, students face a meal plan crisis as we near the end of the semester. Some sneaky little troublemakers have found alternatives to funding their meals. Vick Tumm (LSEHD ‘27) recalled a recent dinner with mutual Rob Buhr (CSOM ‘25).
“I was passing by him and tried to BC-Lookaway him, but he dropped his coffee and frantically waved both hands in front of my face. Weird, since I don’t even remember what class we had together,” said Tumm. “Anyways, he asked to get dinner with me so we could try the sauce-your-own-chicken.”
“Sauce-your-own-chicken?…oh, right, I love chicken…and sauce!” Buhr exclaimed. “Tumm and I are long-distance, low-maintenance, low-commitment besties. I’m pretty sure he was in one of my lectures this semester before I dropped it, but I don’t know, he seemed cool. Love the guy.”
According to Tumm, events worsened as they entered the dining hall. He recounted Buhr’s stacked plate of double chicken paired with two sides of fries, as well as a hefty amount of Core Powers. Buhr claimed it’s “bulking season.” Tumm felt baffled when they reached the register.
“Out of nowhere, Buhr yanked my phone out of my pocket and tapped for his meal with my card. He kept claiming he would pay me back as he ran off in a hurry. I never saw him again,” said Tumm.
Buhr assured us that he would never commit such a crime. “I forgot I had a really important family emergency, or like, thing to go to. I swear, I feel so, so, so, so bad. I got my buddy’s back next time, don’t worry.”
At press time, Buhr was seen hastily shoving pounds of chips and Core Powers into his backpack, before sprinting past the register and out of Lower.