Student Gets Sexiled By His Parents
SexWTF September 30, 2022 The New England Classic

FENWICK HALL — Parents Weekend brings the exciting opportunity of getting to analyze exactly what kind of marriages your friends’ parents have. For some freshmen, this weekend means getting to see for the first time how happy their parents are now that they’ve left the house. As it turns out, the title of ‘empty nesters’ has brought new fire to the relationships of those who hold it.
Freshman Chase Notale (CSOM ’26) ran into a particularly sticky situation this Parents Weekend when his parents’ marriage proved far more alive and well than when he last saw them.
Notale said, “I have no idea what’s up with them. Something about being surrounded by a ton of other middle aged parents really got their spirits up. Maybe they’re feeling a little competitive and that’s all. First, I saw them share a really long hug. Like way too long. That in itself was weird. I haven’t even seen my parents hold hands since 2014.”
Notale’s roommate, Walker Inan (MCAS ’26) told the Classic about his run-in with Mr. and Mrs. Notale. “My parents and I came back from a tour around campus so that I could show them my dorm room. When I opened the door, the blind was drawn, the lights were off, and there was quite a bit of commotion on Chase’s side of the room. I couldn’t believe he was getting some in the middle of the day and during Parents Weekend of all times. He hasn’t even brought a girl back yet this semester. I was honestly proud of him. I slammed the door shut as soon as I realized and pushed my parents out of the line of vision. But to my surprise, I saw Chase coming down the hallway when I turned around.”
Notale and Inan quickly came to the realization that Notale’s parents were totally boning in a Twin XL as they spoke.
Notale continued, “There is nothing quite as embarrassing as your parents having sex in your dorm bed before you even have. The only thing possibly more embarrassing is having to sit in the hallway with your roommate AND his parents, waiting for them to finish their rekindling. By the length of the wait, I think they went two or three times or they were talking, but I really cannot imagine them talking for that long without a fight.”
At press time, Notale was avoiding eye contact as his parents sat on the same side of the booth at family dinner.