The following article was translated with assistance from the Boston College Libraries.
Hell yeah, dude. Another day as a horse. I thought today I’d just do my normal routine (wake up, eat hay, clop), but the kind people at The New England Classic reached out and asked if I’d want to write an article for them. I told them, “Why not? I don’t have anything else going on.” They told me I could write whatever I wanted, so here goes.
I don’t know how I’m typing this with these big ole hooves, but what I do know is I fucking love apples: the red ones, the green ones, the golds. I could use one right about now. Better avoid eating the core, though. My buddy Theodore once ate the core and a tree grew inside of him. Unreal stuff.
Did I mention I’ve met Triple Crown winner American Pharoah? We met at a KFC just outside Bowling Green. Nice horse, taller than I thought he’d be. He probably ate a shit ton of apples after he won those races.
This buck’s having some writer’s block, but to be fair, I’m like the only horse to ever write an article. I guess I could write about my favorite movie? I love Tangled (2010). The horse in that one is a hunk and a cool. He does shit in that movie I could never dream of doing. But hey (no pun intended LOL), did he ever write a piece for Boston College’s premier satirical publication? Don’t think so. Maybe I’m cooler than I thought.
This has been fun — an article straight from the horse’s mouth! I should probably get back to doing horse stuff, though. Till next time.