Boston College To Protect Students With Juul Citizenship As FDA Ban Approaches
DEVLIN BATHROOM — With the rise of e-cigarettes among young adults and children, the Food and Drug Administration plans to instate a ban against e-nicotine products, most notably Juuls. Boston College has responded to this looming ban by announcing its own plan to protect its Juul Citizens: the administration has ensured that mint and mango flavor pods will still be available in the CoRo Café, and that the charging docks in O’Neill will remain unimpacted.
Today’s decision came as a huge rip of relief to BC’s population of Juul Citizens, from the Cool Cucumbers to the lone Creme Brulée-ers. Many of these students previously believed that the administration didn’t support their avoidable recreational addictions. Some Juul Citizens say they’ve seen fire alarms in dorm rooms, while others claim they’ve been politely asked not to blow clouds in classrooms.
“Having Juul Citizenship is tough at times,” reported popular sophomore Pakuv Pahds. “Some of my classes are over an hour long, and I need to rip every 25 minutes. Californian hipsters can get Kombucha on tap and bring it to class, but for some reason minty glycerol clouds have always been stigmatized. It’s so unfair.”
At press time, Juul Smokesperson James U. Ulrich came out in support of the university’s decision:
“This policy is crisp and refreshing. It’s a breath of fresh air. Our priority is to ensure that Juul Citizens are protected. We hope that students continue taking obnoxiously long bathroom breaks and that $5 pod venmos grow in popularity.”