Meat-Eaters And Vegans Finally Agree: The Grateful Burger Sucks
CORCORAN COMMONS — In a shocking development late Sunday evening, vegans and carnivores alike found themselves united under a radical new idea: the Grateful Burger is fucking gross. The new addition to the Chestnut Hill Grill contains only 50% beef, with the other 50% being a mix of vegetables and mushrooms. It is 100% reviled by Boston College students.
“I just don’t understand why they would do this,” said Allison Jones (CSON ‘20). “Vegans and vegetarians are already restricted to eating 3 different meals on a constant rotation. Why would you replace an actual veggie burger with half beef?”
In a bizarre turn of events, Jones’s complaints seemed to be supported by disgruntled members of a Walsh eight-man who were just leaving the Grill line. “Why the hell would we want to eat veggies in our burgers?” one said. “If we order a burger, we want an actual cow and not this mushroom shit.”
The Animal Advocates of Boston College were similarly taken aback by the volume of angry student voices joining their cause in recent days.
“These students have no interest in being vegan, they just hate this weird halfway effort that literally no one asked for,” stated group president Anthony Candela, a senior. “However, while we are confused by the influx of support, we are nonetheless prepared to join forces with burger enthusiasts to remove this abomination from the dining menu!”
At press time, BC Dining refused to comment, although the staff member manning the grill could be overheard telling students to just “shut up and eat the unholy swill.”